Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone, in their book “Thanks for the Feedback” (2014), explains that there are three main feedback triggers that work as obstacles when it comes to learning from feedback. They call them “truth”, “relationship”, and “identity” triggers.
Truth triggers are set off by the content of the story told. It relates to the substance of the conversation, which we either consider untrue, wrong, unhelpful or just we don’t like it.
Relationship triggers focus on the person who is delivering the feedback. Any conversation is always colored by the nature of the relationship among the people who are interacting. In this situation the giver is not credible, we don’t like how we feel treated, or we dislike either the person or the way they deliver the information.
Identity triggers are tripped by who we are in the conversation; how this conversation is going to affect who I am. For example, we might feel unbalanced, ashamed, threatened, or overwhelmed.
These triggers function as barriers that can keep us from engaging in constructive conversations in the pursuit of a higher understanding of ourselves. Ignoring these triggers would be like dealing with fire by disconnecting the fire alarm, Heen & Stone highlight.
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