There is one powerful effect that both skills (listening and asking questions) have in common. Both skills produce acknowledgment at two levels: emotional and intellectual.
Why intellectual? When we actively listen to someone (by actively I mean being present and paying full attention to what the other person has to say), we are telling that person that we care about their thoughts. By listening, we send the other person the message that we understand what they have to say is important and we are interested in their story. In the same vein, when we ask a thoughtful question to someone, we are telling them that we are interested in what they think. We send the message, “your thinking is important to us and we want to know more.” In short, either if we are listening or asking questions, we are sending a clear message to the other person: “your thoughts are valuable, your thinking matters.” That message produces recognition at an intellectual level.
Why emotional? When we care about what someone has to say, when we show them an interest in their thoughts, when we respect the way another person thinks, when we give the other person space and time to speak, we are basically addressing the human need of communication. By actively listening and asking humble questions (by humble I mean being interested in the other person’s ideas rather than questioning the person or introducing our own thoughts in their story), we are recognizing that person in their role and autonomy. That recognition produces agreeableness, thereby strengthening the emotional bond.
I'm looking forward to sharing with you more about this topic in my next post.
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